In the summer of 2023, I went on a solo multi-day run I referred to as my "Silent Retreat". I ran about sixty miles per day, with a relatively heavy pack, for a little over three days. I listened to no music. I spoke to no one. I just followed a challenging route I had set for myself, getting rest as needed, until the loop was closed. It was a chance to test my wilderness skills and resolve, to connect purely with nature, and reflect on life.

I have landed myself in a pattern of doing hard things... perpetually seeking the fulfillment which can only come from effort. Of constantly working to keep my buckets full. I was reaching some sort of equilibrium. My habit of always going full throttle was leading to that fabled balance we all seek. The main insight I gained, as I tiptoed across the narrow spires of Sawtooth Mountain on that mission, is that balance is hard. Imagine a tightrope walker. To maintain balance on a wire high above the ground, they must pervasively flex and control every muscle in their body.

Balance is a goal which is impossible to hit exactly, or to maintain. But when I go quiet and consider the moments I've had on this journey, I find it a worthy pursuit.